412 Sports Talk

Every single day you relive your own nightmare. It's always a different story with the same ending. People you  thought you cared about or cared about me, turn their backs on me. Problems with money or my job. And the thought of impending doom. After a while, you're no longer living. You're on autopilot. You wake up every day. You're still living, medically speaking. You might still interact with people. But you're not you. You haven't been since you can remember if you even can. I know I can't. Colors are dull. Food tastes bland.  Movies no longer hold your interest. You wonder why you're still going.  Then a diamond in the ruff appears. Someone from the opposite sex that knows how you feel, shares your pain, shares your dark world, and looks absolutely fucking amazing. They are your crazy diamond. Do you put yourself out there? Is it worth it? What's the point? They're probably too good to be true. You already know how it's going to end....

My eyes are open. My heart is racing. Here I am yet again, I feel like I’m fucking drowning. The walls feel like they’re closing in on me. Everyone sees my flaws. I feel so naked. My nightmares are there in broad daylight. They mock me. I hear their whispers; I can feel them over my shoulder.The brand new day is finally here, the day that I convinced myself was going to be better than yesterday, just last night. It never ends, it will never end. I know that. There are moments of actual light, I try to cherish those. I try to think of those good times, no matter how sporadic and meaningless they were. Sometimes you even give those up to the darkness, it consumes everything. My brain is made of thunderstorms. It feels like something is digging around in my mind, playing with it, playing with me for its own amusement. I’m cursed…. Or crazy. Or both. My mind wonders off its leash. I feel like my mind knows when I’m talking about it. I’ve often felt separated from my body. I look ...

RIP Pap  As you open your eyes and the day begins, you lay in bed, worrying about what is going to go wrong today. You lay there, feeling hopeless, feeling unloved and un-valued, wishing that you had never wakened to begin with. As you begin to start your day, depending on what kind of unwarranted mood you are in, anxiety is soon to set in, whether it be making your mind race with overwhelming negative thoughts, or going into a state of anxiousness thinking about things that you want to happen, but have absolutely no control over. On top of that you will probably have a low self-esteem, and a low capacity for pleasure in everyday life This is just the beginning of the day in the life of living with depression and anxiety, at least for me, realizing that others suffer from different symptoms as well.  While fighting through a total lack of will and motivation to succeed that day, you finally get yourself going to where you need to be. You go to work, or school, or run...