You crazy diamond

Every single day you relive your own nightmare. It's always a different story with the same ending. People you  thought you cared about or cared about me, turn their backs on me. Problems with money or my job. And the thought of impending doom. After a while, you're no longer living. You're on autopilot. You wake up every day. You're still living, medically speaking. You might still interact with people. But you're not you. You haven't been since you can remember if you even can. I know I can't. Colors are dull. Food tastes bland.  Movies no longer hold your interest. You wonder why you're still going. 

Then a diamond in the ruff appears. Someone from the opposite sex that knows how you feel, shares your pain, shares your dark world, and looks absolutely fucking amazing. They are your crazy diamond. Do you put yourself out there? Is it worth it? What's the point? They're probably too good to be true. You already know how it's going to end. You know your fate. It will end in sadness. It will end in rejection. But you put yourself out there anyways. You tell them how you feel, that you think they could make life worth living. You're gonna be sick. Anxiety has crippled you. Will they feel the same? Are they just playing with me? Paranoia sets in. Your own brain is working against you. 

But you see their smile. They make you laugh. You make them laugh. The very thought of them warms your body. They're totally worth it. In a world full of rocks in the sand, you found your diamond in the rough. Even if it ends in rejection, the thrill makes it worth it. The very thought of obtaining true happiness in a life full of despair gives you a jolt running through your body. 

These are the moments you live for. You know that sadness is inevitable. You'll always be sad. It's a part of you. You've accepted it. But through the pain, through all of the rough, just hoping you'll see that crazy diamond shining, would be good enough.